Therefore I am. Quote by Rene Descartes. :)

I remember that from last year's World History lesson. Good times, good times. I still remember most of the stuff that was taught, and I hope some of it comes in handy in college.

I was talking to Ayrton yesterday, and we drifted to the topic of college, and grades. He asked me when the cards were going to be picked up, and I answered him with the date, and my expression of distress over the whole thing. He was surprised, because to him, my grades were already pretty high. I laughed dryly (over YM, of course), replying to him that to my mum, it was waayyy below her standards. You see, I know I have standards, and I know they're pretty high. But whenever I do get low grades, I get over it. I don't stress over it much, and I just do my best to get higher grades next time. But to my mum it isn't enough. A lot of I do, actually, isn't enough.

I'm not pretty, thin, nor smart enough. And I get this sentiment from my family a LOT. And I do mean a lot. I get bombarded by such comments everyday, and each time I just try to keep it in, just smile through it like it's some joke. They laugh, and I try to laugh along with them. But you see, no matter how hard I've tried to keep it in, it all came pouring out yesterday. I cried myself to sleep, thinking how much I'd like to move out, so I could finally live in peace.

And it hurts a lot. A plenty lot, you know. Coming from the people who are supposed to like, support you no matter what. I just don't get that from them. It's frustrating because they call me callous, that I'm so indifferent to my family, to my sister. She's fricken spoiled, you see. And I'm not like that. So whenever she asks for something, I block her, saying that she already has so much, and she can just play with that. She snaps back at me (she's 9, by the way), and I snap back at her, and then I'm the one who gets the telling off.

I see a number of things wrong in this picture-- first of all, she shouldn't answer back at me; I'm older than her. Second, she's the one who should get scolded, not me. I'm not the big spender. And they go on telling me off, branching into a number of topics totally unrelated to the incident.

I know why I'm like that-- I'm resentful of the fact that when I was little, no one was even there to say a word in my defense. I stood up for myself; hence, my attitude now. And I'm thankful for that. Because of it, I'm not the type of person to be pushed around.

It's so frustrating. I wish college would start soon. :( So I could move out.

I'm apprehensive, though. Ayrton told me Maureen is also going to UP (Diliman though. DAMMIT wala bang Manila?!), and told me that she was pretty scared. Not intimidated. I asked why. He answered, because there was this river in the campus that always had fetuses in it. WTF.

Therefore I am. Quote by Rene Descartes. :)

I remember that from last year's World History lesson. Good times, good times. I still remember most of the stuff that was taught, and I hope some of it comes in handy in college.

I was talking to Ayrton yesterday, and we drifted to the topic of college, and grades. He asked me when the cards were going to be picked up, and I answered him with the date, and my expression of distress over the whole thing. He was surprised, because to him, my grades were already pretty high. I laughed dryly (over YM, of course), replying to him that to my mum, it was waayyy below her standards. You see, I know I have standards, and I know they're pretty high. But whenever I do get low grades, I get over it. I don't stress over it much, and I just do my best to get higher grades next time. But to my mum it isn't enough. A lot of I do, actually, isn't enough.

I'm not pretty, thin, nor smart enough. And I get this sentiment from my family a LOT. And I do mean a lot. I get bombarded by such comments everyday, and each time I just try to keep it in, just smile through it like it's some joke. They laugh, and I try to laugh along with them. But you see, no matter how hard I've tried to keep it in, it all came pouring out yesterday. I cried myself to sleep, thinking how much I'd like to move out, so I could finally live in peace.

And it hurts a lot. A plenty lot, you know. Coming from the people who are supposed to like, support you no matter what. I just don't get that from them. It's frustrating because they call me callous, that I'm so indifferent to my family, to my sister. She's fricken spoiled, you see. And I'm not like that. So whenever she asks for something, I block her, saying that she already has so much, and she can just play with that. She snaps back at me (she's 9, by the way), and I snap back at her, and then I'm the one who gets the telling off.

I see a number of things wrong in this picture-- first of all, she shouldn't answer back at me; I'm older than her. Second, she's the one who should get scolded, not me. I'm not the big spender. And they go on telling me off, branching into a number of topics totally unrelated to the incident.

I know why I'm like that-- I'm resentful of the fact that when I was little, no one was even there to say a word in my defense. I stood up for myself; hence, my attitude now. And I'm thankful for that. Because of it, I'm not the type of person to be pushed around.

It's so frustrating. I wish college would start soon. :( So I could move out.

I'm apprehensive, though. Ayrton told me Maureen is also going to UP (Diliman though. DAMMIT wala bang Manila?!), and told me that she was pretty scared. Not intimidated. I asked why. He answered, because there was this river in the campus that always had fetuses in it. WTF.